family – Paige is Parenting

Putting down roots

Hello friends,

It’s been a minute since I’ve last written here, and that’s with good reason. Becoming a mama of two back in December turned out to be only the beginning in a year of changes for our family.

We bought some land in upstate New York and moved from our beautiful apartment in downtown Stamford, Connecticut.

A then two-year-old J, after we bought our land

We moved into a townhouse with our toddler and newborn, and then I went back to work, with a now three-hour roundtrip commute.

I got accepted to begin PhD level coursework.

I had two health scares that, with the second one being most recent and a major wake up call to prioritize my health and well-being again.

J began preschool. H is crawling and trying his best to catch up to his big brother. D and I are marveling at how fast life seems to be going and trying to make time for each other in the whirlwind of this stage of our lives.

Our house is now in the early stages of construction. By this time next year I will be writing from a room in our “forever home.”

It got me thinking about how we choose where to raise our children, and how much of that choice is based on where you can afford to live.

D and I had never had any intention to move back to upstate NY, as smitten as we were with downtown life and the conveniences it held. But when we looked around for a home for our family, we found that there just wasn’t anything we could get for our money that looked like the houses we had grown up in. So we looked further and further north until we landed back in our hometowns.

I had a conversation with an old friend last night that made me realize how prevalent this kind of move is. She had been born and raised in Westchester and intended to buy a house with her husband in the area, until realizing that they were priced out of the market. And upstate they went.

Even thinking back to why my parents moved here from the Bronx with my siblings and I almost twenty years ago. They wanted a yard for us to play in and for us to finally have our own bedrooms. Things that they couldn’t afford in the neighborhood they had been raised in.

I’m sure this is a tale as old as time (to blatantly steal a phrase from Beauty and the Beast). City populations grow and grow, so people begin to spread farther out to afford housing. But still, there’s a small sadness about not being able to afford a home in the place you’ve called by that name for so long.

I feel fortunate that our parents chose to move further north while we were young, even as the prices here steadily creep up as well. We have a home here and a safe place for our children to roam. I just hope they get to have the choice to raise their own children here as well if they choose to.

My toddler’s speech progress, part 2

We had Jameson’s six month evaluation last week for his speech progress.

He has come a long way.

Things Jameson loves: Buzz Lightyear and a good leaf pile

He uses his words when sharing (or not sharing) with peers, instead of his hands. A big relief!

He imitates new words and sounds with confidence!

He can string together a number of phrases and can be understood most of the time!

According to his speech therapist, he is still about 6-8 months behind his non-speech delayed peers but we are confident he will close that gap eventually.

He requested a side of cereal with his chicken tikka masala. An odd choice, but a choice he was able to ask for!

I am just so happy my little boy is trying out new words every day. I’m so happy we are able to understand him more and he gets the joy of feeling understood.

We still have many moments when it is hard to understand what he is trying to say, and he will still resort to gibberish often when he is playing. We still have moments when a meltdown occurs because we can’t understand what it is that he wants. It isn’t perfect or easy, but its progress.

It’s another step forward for our baby boy. He’s speaking more and more each day, and for that I am so very grateful.

Pregnancy Update: 37 weeks

It’s funny how so much changes from your first to your second pregnancy. When expecting Jameson, I documented every week diligently and took monthly bump photos that have been lovingly scrapbooked.

At 37 weeks, I’m pretty sure this is the first update I’ve written for this baby. Oops!

My beautiful baby shower, thrown by my sister and mom

As for bump photos? I was laughing to my mom about the fact that I might have five or six photos on my phone. Honestly, even that number sounds a bit high.

The only real “bump shot” I took around 4 months pregnant

I had heard from other moms that after your first pregnancy, the future ones fly by. Boy, were they not kidding!

Here I am, almost at the finish line of my second pregnancy and it feels like only last week I was finding out that I was expecting again.

I’m currently entering my second week of maternity leave, thanks to some back to back illnesses that caused my doctor to encourage an earlier rest period.

I’m finally packed and ready for our hospital stay and for Jameson to stay with our relatives while we’re at the hospital with the baby.

I’ve been able to do some fun stuff with Jameson to soak up these last days of him being an only child.

I got to attend Jameson’s school dance during the middle of the day. He was excited to have me there and I was grateful to have the time to spend with him.

An outdoor holiday lights walk made for a perfect family day while trying to social distance while waiting for baby boy #2 to arrive

And my ankles have remained relatively un-swollen since I’ve been off from work, which is a real miracle in itself!

My scheduled C-section date is the 29th but I’m hoping this little guy decides to make his appearance before then. Jameson arrived at 38 weeks, so we will see!

I’m excited, I’m ready, and probably as rested as I’ll ever be, so I can’t wait to welcome baby number two into our family.

The myth of balance as a working mother

In a perfect world, each twenty-four hour day would magically fit in all of the things crammed onto my to-do list.

The laundry pile (aka my Everest) would never reach peaks that make my husband give me a sideways glance while casually mentioning that there sure are a lot of unfolded baskets of clothes in the living room.

The floors would be spotless, the toys put away, and the only dishes in the sink would be the ones from tonight’s homecooked meal.

But alas, this is the real world and it can be a total sh*t-show.

My son encapsulating the “lovable hot mess” vibe that his mama does as well

When I get out of work, assuming I don’t have to grocery shop or run some other errand, I have approximately one hour before Jameson needs to be picked up from daycare.

This leaves just enough time to cook something quick (if D is not home and cooking already) or try and tidy up a bit, OR try and tackle the laundry pile.

The hour flies by.

Then Jameson is home and it’s family dinner time, bath time, and chill time with him. Getting any type of housework done while he is awake after school is pretty much a no-go, as he is super cuddly and wanting all of my attention.

I’ve tried folding laundry while sitting next to him and it always ends up with him playing a game of knocking over the folded laundry pile.

It used to be that he would fall asleep at 7 and then I’d go workout or do some housework or work work, but those days are gone too. He doesn’t get tired until 8 now and by then I am also exhausted and ready for bed.

And have I mentioned I’m pregnant? Pregnant and tired? Well I am both of those thing to the degree of very.

Anyway, this rant about finding time to do everything I want to do during the work week is brought to you by decaf coffee and interrupted sleep due to pregnancy bladder.

Now back to our regular scheduled programming.

Dining out with a two year-old

It’s starting to feel like Autumn here in Connecticut and we wasted no time doing some of the most basic Fall things you can do: hitting up the Farmer’s Market and going out for cider donuts.

Jameson’s love for apples has returned just in time for apple picking season. Truly his mother’s child.

D and I took Jameson to our local Farmer’s Market this Saturday and it amazed me at how mature he has grown in these few months.

Our first trip to the market was probably sometime in the beginning of the summer and consisted of D shopping for fresh produce and baked goods, and me chasing after Jameson as he weaved in and out of the seller stalls. An Instagram worthy trip it was not.

Cut to this weekend and our little man was in it to win it. He stood my my side the whole time, named the different kinds of fruits and vegetables with me, and happily chomped on an apple that he picked out with enthusiasm.

Earlier in the morning we went to a local diner for an early bird breakfast after dropping D’s car off at the shop. Which brings me to our title topic: dining with a two year-old.

With a big boy fork and a straw full of juice, who could be happier?

Here too I have seen how Jameson is growing up and into the person he’s going to be.

You see, Jameson loves food but hates standing still. Especially if we are somewhere new like, oh, a restaurant. He thinks its silly to sit and wait for our meal when there are perfectly good nooks and crannies to be explored. Like the giant gumball machine filled with what he assumes to be brightly colored bouncy balls. Or the table of toddlers sitting right behind us who are probably just waiting for a friend like Jameson to walk over and make their acquaintance.

That is where my tradition of bringing a “busy bag” has come in clutch.

Feeling proud of himself for matching the square to the square. He did this puzzle about five times. Note to self: buy more puzzles.

I don’t remember when I first heard of the idea of a busy bag for toddlers in restaurants, but it has been a heaven sent more times than I can count. I’m sure it was probably the result of scrolling on Pinterest one sleep-deprived newborn night.

Either way, it helps D and I stick to our rule of no technology at the table. There is nothing we hate more than seeing a kid sitting at a restaurant with their parents, playing on an iPad the whole meal. It’s even worse when the parents are also zoned out on their phone.

Let’s be real for a moment. Tech addiction is a serious thing these days and most of us are addicted to some degree. It can take some planning and commitment to rein it in and focus on the present moment.

In our house this looks like time limits on television, no iPads for kids, and a self-imposed time limit on my own social media accounts to remind myself to unplug. There’s actually a section on iPhones to set this limit, which is helpful.

But back to our busy bags. They usually work out great in keeping Jameson occupied while waiting for his meal. Of course this time in particular I had recently dumped out his busy bag with the intention of refilling it with new items…and completely forgot to refill it.

What was left when inside when I opened it up in the diner? One shapes puzzle and a hot wheels car. Oh man.

I could feel my heart pick up it’s pace as he finished his puzzle for the third time and pushed it to the side.

“Wow, you did!” I exclaimed, a little too excitedly as I eyed our waitress who was busy with another table. Damn.

“You want to try it again?” I asked. My husband shook his head and handed Jameson a hot wheels car instead.

The joy of playing with that lasted about three minutes and then he was trying to stand up in his high chair.

“No no, Jamie. We’re waiting for our meal,” D said.

Jameson sat down with a dramatic cry that had some of the other patrons giving us the side eye.

Trust me guys, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. That was just his warmup cry, I thought to myself.

We went back and forth with this borderline meltdown dance for what felt like an hour but was probably closer to ten minutes, before our breakfast landed on the table.

“A bite of the cider donut before breakfast? My parents must really be scrambling here.”

Jameson happily dug into his feast of silver dollar pancakes and strawberries while I pretended my egg white omelet was just as good. It wasn’t, guys. Nothing is as good as syrupy pancakes. But alas, I’m trying to make sure my pregnancy weight gain stays on the healthy track *sigh*.

My two year-old looking like a five year-old somehow. How??

It was a close one, but we managed to have a somewhat relaxing breakfast in public, with a toddler. And no tech.

Just remind me to refill the busy bag next time.

“Why care?” Dealing with volunteering burnout

“Why do you do it if it brings you this much stress? It doesn’t seem like you enjoy it very much.”- A very valid question asked by my husband last night.

Last night I went on a bit of a venting spree to my husband about the state of the volunteer organization that I’m a part of. Specifically, how uninterested so many of our members have become and how hard it is to get people to sign up for events to help out in the community.

This is the third month in a row that I’ve organized a day to prepare a meal for women living in emergency shelters. And it is the second time in three months that we haven’t been able to fill the measly five spots required for volunteers.

I was complaining to my husband that nobody seems to care anymore. That people say they are excited to give back to the community, but when it’s time to show up, its just a few who are left to do double or triple the work when no one else shows up.

To be honest, I’m exhausted. And six months pregnant. And dealing with a number of other things in life that have been requiring a lot of my attention lately.

And to continue being honest, let’s be real: sometimes caring is exhausting.

But I’m starting to think that maybe it’s the way I care that’s the most draining. Maybe I care too much about the outcome. Or maybe I’m letting my passion for a cause cloud over the fact that my time and energy for said cause aren’t as robust as they were last season.

When my husband asked me why I’m still doing it when it doesn’t seem to be bringing me joy, it made me realize that he’s right. Well, partially (sorry, honey).

Helping out in my community brings me immense joy. But helping out at the same intensity that I was last year isn’t anymore. And there is the disconnect.

So I’m going to take some time and figure out how I want to use my free time in the season I’m in right now. More family time before the baby gets here is high on my list. As is editing my novel and setting up things at my job before I go on maternity leave.

I want volunteering to still be a part of my life in the coming months, but I want to do it the way I began doing it, and that is with an open heart.

Have you ever dealt with feelings of burnout as a volunteer? How did you handle it?

Playing our way to 1,000 hours outside

The weather is finally warming up here in Southern Connecticut and we are loving it!

To be honest, the beginning of 2022 hasn’t held a lot of outdoors time for us, with the temperatures falling so low. I know that some people don’t mind freezing temps, but I get too nervous to risk it, since my son can’t really speak yet.

One of our favorite places to go has been our local botanical garden. It’s been a great way to immerse ourselves in nature and gives Jameson plenty of opportunity to explore and climb.

Why use the steps when you can scale the rocks?

We’ve also had fun visiting our local nature center, which has an awesome outdoor playground.

The playground is built into the side of a tall hill, which makes it seem like a part of the landscape. It’s beautiful to look at and lots of fun for kids!

I’m going back and forth about actually committing to a membership to the nature center though. It’s fun, but we already have so many memberships to other places in the area. But maybe a few more trips will convince me!

We’ve also spent a lot of time at our local playground. Simple, fun and always a good time!

Is it warming up where you are, or are you lucky enough to live in a place with year-round warm weather?

A getaway for mom and dad

For the first time in the history of parenthood for D and I, we took a vacation without the baby last week. It was fun, relaxing, and of course a bit anxiety provoking, not being with the baby for seven days.

But I will say that I feel way more refreshed as a parent and as a partner.

COSTA RICAN ADVENTURE

We started the week in Playa Coyote in the Guanacaste Region. We visited on the tail-end of the (very) dry season, and so were blessed with some rainy nights that helped cool down the land.

We got to eat a ton of fresh, local seafood and relax at the beach.

For this leg of the trip we stayed at an Airbnb home. This allowed us to go food shopping among the locals and save money by preparing some of our meals ourselves. Okay, by D preparing the meals…he is the chef in the family. But I did pour us some coffee now and then! lol

One of the delicious breakfasts prepared by D on our vacation

UP IN THE CLOUDS

To end our trip, we drove up to the cloud forest in Monteverde. I figured that was just a cutesy name, having done absolutely zero research on this area before we arrived (we added it to our itinerary as a last-minute decision during our trip). Well, I was wrong! It turns out, we were up so high that there were driving through ACTUAL CLOUDS! It was amazing and an unforgettable sight.

We spent the last two nights of our trip at El Silencio, which is a beautiful resort located in these mountains and surrounded by nature that looks as if it came straight out of a postcard.

View from El Silencio restaurant’s outdoor seating

Our drive to the resort took us (literally) up in the clouds

We got to go rapelling down a small waterfall, ziplining over the jungle canopy, and hiking to local waterfalls.

This hike was insane, but the views were worth it

Oh, and a spa. And a hummingbird garden. And more delicious food.

Guys, it was seriously such an amazing time. I highly recommend a mom and dad solo vacation to care for your self and your relationship.

I will admit that our trip was not the cheapest getaway and might not be right for everyone’s budget. But I think that even a mini staycation could be just what the doctor ordered for any couples out there feeling burnt out.

Playful Practice: learning how to pour and drink from a cup

This weekend wasn’t very eventful (hence no weekend roundup). Jameson had a slight fever and runny nose, so we chose to stay indoors and do laidback family things instead.

After watching my toddler run around and spin in circles like a tiny, adorable tornado, I thought it might be good to pull out a calm activity before lunchtime.

So I set up a large towel and Jameson’s plastic highchair tray cover on the kitchen floor. Then I got out some cups and filled them each about 1/4 of the way with water.

Already a master of eating peas out of a cup. Could drinking water be next?

Drinking from an unlidded cup was a skill I had tried to teach Jameson when he was much younger, simply by giving him a teeny cup with a bit of water at dinner time.

Each time he would pour the water into his cup and laugh. After the eight or ninth refill, my husband gently suggested that maybe dinnertime wasn’t the time to have our son giving himself a makeshift bath.

So I put the big boy cup away and caved into the widely accepted toddler sippy cup.

But I’ve always felt that Jameson was capable of drinking from a regular cup, if given enough chances to figure it out.

So I am on a mission to use our weekends to figure it out. And also, have some fun.

So far, J is still dumping all of the water out into his lap and then taking a sip from the cup. Which is super adorable but not practical. It’s fun to watch his eyes scrunch up as he wonders where he went wrong.

He actually wiped up some of his spills with the paper towel!

I’ve been doing my best to model how I hold the cup and take a sip, without saying what I’m doing (the Montessori way). I’m excited for the day that he will figure out that he has to bring the cup to his lips without flipping the cup over first.

I must say though, he’s really getting there with his pouring! He got a couple of splashes of water from one cup into the other during our practice time!

When did your child learn to pour and start drinking from unlidded cups?

Or are you working on that now?

The oddball pickiness of a toddler at mealtime

My toddler is a fairly adventurous eater. This is partially because D and I eat a varied diet and have been giving him the same meals as we eat, since he was old enough to eat them. It’s also because our son doesn’t seem to have any sensory issues with food textures.

Always partial to the almond croissants, of course

Being a special education teacher, I’m well aware that some kids can have serious sensory aversions that have nothing to do with whether or not you did “baby-led weaning” with them (no matter what the hardcore weaners will tell you).

But luckily, Jameson seems to tolerate all kinds of textures pretty well.

So yes, my son is a good eater, but he’s also a toddler. Meaning he is starting to assert his independence around at the dinner table (and the lunch table, and the breakfast table…).

When I say that, I don’t mean he’s throwing massive tantrums and flinging peas on the wall every day. Although, he’s done each of those things at some point or another, being a tot and all.

What he’s been doing lately is some kind of “choose one” toddler ritual where he will pick one food on his plate and eat only that food.

“Chicken and potatoes? Sorry, but I’ve decided that only peas are worthy of my palette today!”

“Nice try with the bacon, egg and cheese, mom. But I’m only eating oatmeal today, k?”- my toddler, probably

Also, I’ve had to hide the fruit bowl from view during dinner.

Yes, really.

If he catches a glimpse of a banana or a cherry tomato it is game over. He will immediately decide that what we have served him is straight-up trash and only seventeen bananas will do.

Jameson was on cloud nine at the apple orchard this past fall

Looking around online, it seems like this is a normal part of the toddler stage, and that it should pass eventually.

For now, I’ll be doing my best to not make a big fuss about him only eating parts of his meals…and hiding the fruit bowl like a crazy woman at dinner.

Has your toddler went through any picky eating stages that made you scratch your head or laugh? I’d love to hear about it!